Everything listed under: Setting Parameters when Interacting

  • The Weak Controlling the Strong

    Weak character controlling strong character. This is an unnatural state that is out of balance. When the weak controls the strong, it makes for a weak culture- a people without character.

  • Expressing Your Ego?

    Expressing yourself is healthy. But it is also useful to consider what part of yourself you are expressing. Are you expressing your heart?

  • Win-Win Revisited

    Mortgage bankers play for keeps. Literally. Recent negotiations with my mortgage lender reminded me that they only care about their bottom line.

  • Insisting on Respect

    Another excerpt from the draft of my upcoming book, Your Natural Gift in which I am describing the natural gift of respect: Respect has to start with respect for yourself and your own heart. It is stopping people when they interrupt you, abuse you, or take you for granted. Bart Anderson used to teach people the mind-set of, “I care too much about myself to allow you to treat me that away.” Anderson further posited that you get respect by taking it.

  • Don't Take Crap from People- Even When You are Wrong

    Just because you make a mistake does not make it okay for people to abuse you. Yet we have a tendency to take abuse if we are in the wrong. When we make a mistake that brings forth anger and abuse from someone, there are two issues at hand: the mistake and the abuse.

  • Don't Get Commoditized

    Don't let your work be commoditized. In his brilliant book Linchpin, Seth Godin defines art or creative work as any "personal gift that changes the recipient." Corporations do not like art. It is difficult to reproduce and control.

  • Are You Serious?

    Some people are extremely serious about life. They are intense and focused. They think about experiencing things, making a difference, and the effect they have on others.

  • The Courage to Marshal One's Armies Against Oneself

    How serious are you about how you affect others? One of the most powerful self-disciplines is to check your intent before you speak or act. Is what you are about to say or do going to create connection or separation?

  • Organized to Death

    There seems to be a point in organizations when the survival of the organization becomes more important than what the organization is about. Then the administration starts talking and caring about, well, administrative things. They make the grave error of thinking that its members care about this stuff.

  • Watch Out for Encroachment Fouls

    Time is precious. Personal time is even more so. Successful people consider time to be the most precious and limited resource there is.

  • Boundaries versus Parameters

    Personal "boundaries" have been a useful concept in relationship psychology for some time. They create a barrier to keep unwanted people out of your personal space. (See upper diagram: the circle represents the boundary that keeps other people away from the person or "P".) Parameters define the relationship or the interaction.

  • Happy Independence (Personal Freedom) Day

    Now that we have celebrated how the United States freed itself from oppression and tyranny, how can you free yourself from the things that oppress you? If you are being oppressed as an adult, you are allowing it. There are no victims- only volunteers.

  • Setting Parameters at Work

    Ever feel like your employer keeps trying to get the more and more out of you? That they are piling more and more on? It could be argued this is part of business- increase efficiency and profit by getting employees to do more.

  • Folding Over the Envelope

    You can walk through life open or shut down. So how can you stay open and vulnerable without being taken advantage of or setting yourself up for the slaughter? The best skill I have come across for this was taught to me by Bart Anderson.

  • That Works for Me

    Things either work for you- or they don't. Few things in life are so cut and dry. When you let go of trying to control or change people and situations, you are left with accepting them the way that they are.

  • Discern when Offering Your Gift to Someone

    Do you like to give? This teaching has helped me immeasurably. When giving...

  • "I don't do business that don't make me smile."

    These lyrics from the song Treetop Flyer by Stephen Stills always rang true to me. The interactions and experiences that we present to ourselves and how we respond to them is what comprises our life. Why not experience things that bring joy to you?

  • How Do Your Environments Affect You?

    All things affect. Continuing with the seasonal theme of introspection and reevaluating our lives, it is essential to consider how the environments we expose ourselves to affect us. Environments include our home, neighborhood, workplace, relationship, friendships, and social arenas.

  • Is There Something You are Trying to Say to Me?

    Ever have someone try to communicate with you indirectly? They might hint at something, rather than directly asking you. They might say one thing, but really mean something else.

  • Allowing the Circle to Complete Itself

    Generous, giving people often allow themselves to be taken advantage of. Sadly, when people do not appreciate your gift, it has limited benefit. It is wasted effort.

  • Sacred Space and Keeping Yourself Intact

    What is sacred to us are the things that are most important to us. When we share these parts of ourselves we become exposed and vulnerable. We have an emotional and spiritual need to share these sacred things with people.

  • Trusting People to be Who They Are

    We are determined to change people. We want people to be who we think they should be. We want people to be who we need them to be.

  • "But Never Give Your Love, My Friend, unto a Foolish Heart"

    This Grateful Dead song, Foolish Heart, written by Robert Hunter and Jerry Garcia came into my head years after I had last heard it to help me understand a vital lesson. In 2003, I had been sharing tender, vulnerable things about to myself to critical people. Bart Anderson, the spiritual teacher that I was working with shocked me one day.

  • Setting Parameters to Define Your Relationships

    Most of our relationships have become casual. We allow them evolve without thinking about how we want them to be. We do not take the time to maintain them or keep them on track.

  • Responding to People based on Intent instead of Outcomes

    When I moved to my current residence, I made a phone call to receive garbage service. The nice person gave me all the information about the various services that they offered. I had just missed the service this week and there had been miscommunication about pick-up the week before.

  • Hearing Intent: What are People really Saying to You?

    People often do not say what they mean. They may not even be aware of what they mean. Listening to their words may not be the best way to understand what they are trying to say to you.