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  • Now

    Now is the only time you have to experience this moment. It is the only time you will have this exact blend of your awareness and what is happening. Are you allowing yourself to feel it? If you do, there is richness and beauty that is totally fulfilling.

    If you do not, you will tell yourself it is no big deal, but part of you will always know that you did not allow yourself to fully feel what just happened. There is a sense of loss.

    The easy way to illustrate this is to say that your son will l never be 12 again. He will never be at this exact phase as a human being and you as his parent. Did you feel it?

    Or... you will never have another chance to experience this phase of your marriage or relationship. It may be frustrating or even painful, but there is a sweetness to it. If you allow yourself to fully experience it, it will forever become a part of who and what you are. It is history in the making.

    Kids and relationships are heart-felt examples, but this extends to everything. You have only this moment to experience the totality of the experience that you are in. It will never be this way again, because you and life will never be this exact way again. It is a totally unique time that you will only get once. You may try to recreate it later, but that never really works.

    Are you allowing yourself to have it? There is a natural loss that ensues even if you do, because part of you knows that this moment will never come again.

    If you do not allow yourself to feel it, the only thing left is to experience is regret. Life happened and you missed it. Regret is the only emotion that you cannot resolve. All you can do is accept the necessary loss of what you did not allow yourself to experience. You can heal it, but you can never get that experience back.

    So here comes another day, here comes another experience. You are up at the plate. Are you present? Are you engaged? It is your movie starring you. You have a supporting cast that is also experiencing their movie from their unique perspective.

    Don't miss it.

  • This is what I choose to create

    It takes courage to choose what you want to create in your life. One of the hardest things about offering a clear intention is to make a firm decision about what you want to create. Making an intention is deliberate and well... intentional.

    Don't get me wrong, there are a lot possibilities to consider and it is vital to create an intention that is in sync with what matters to you and what you are drawn to. But after asking yourself the right questions about what is important to you and what the possibilities are, there comes a time to commit to what you want to create.

    It is saying, "Of all the things that I could unfold in my life this year, this is what I choose to create." This is the essence of a clear intention.

    But what if it is wrong? We often put off making a decision or hedge our bets because we are afraid we may pick the wrong thing or that the thing that we do pick will fail. And then we will be responsible. And what if we can't get ourselves out of it? The self-imposed pressure becomes overwhelming.

    And remember, not deciding is deciding. Our culture has become passive and we tend to just accept whatever happens to us. Of course, if we do not have a clear intention, what happens to us is usually a different version of the same old thing.

    And lastly, once you commit to something, you will have to take action. It is moving from the conceptual to the actual. When your intention opens a door, it becomes time to engage. It is both exciting and fear producing once your dream and vision starts to become real. "It was fun to think about, but now the person wants to know if I want to put a deposit down."

    So, out of all the possibilities and abundance that life has to offer, what is that you choose to create for yourself this year?

  • Accepting Necessary Loss

    Somewhere along the way, we compromised our dreams and aspirations so we could be accepted. Typically by the time we hit thirty years old, our dreams are often no longer accessible. We have a mid-life existential crisis in our forties to try to reclaim them. In our fifties and sixties, we try to recreate them with nostalgic experiences.

    This giving up what is most important to us is a primary source of loss of purpose and depression for many of us.

    Intellectually it makes sense to rekindle the dreams of our early years. It's a great idea. Unfortunately, it just doesn't work. Why not?

    The time to have those experiences of our dreams and aspirations is gone. They were specific to that time in our life. They were based on our consciousness and the circumstances of our life and the world at that time. It is impossible to recreate.

    Coming to terms to this is accepting necessary loss. It is accepting that the time and opportunity to have those experiences has past. And feeling its loss.

    We can however have a new experience of our dream, but it will be totally different at this age, in this world, and with this consciousness. So what is your dream now?

    Life can get wider and wider- not narrower and narrower. All you have to do is open your mind to possibility.

  • Modeling Openness

    Openness is perhaps the most fundamental element of establishing a natural way of being in our culture. But being open takes courage. It may leave us feeling vulnerable. Many of us follow the lead when someone offers us openness, but hesitate when it comes to being open when others are not. We are selectively open.

    Being selectively open makes sense if you do not have the skills to walk openly, but we need people to model openness when it is not the norm.

    Finding a place that is safe to express and experience your heart is essential to walking with your heart open. But after you acquire some experience and skills to walk openly, it is essential to take your openness out into the world so that other people can observe and experience it.

    It can be daunting to let your light shine in an environment when everyone is playing it safe. People may look at you like you like you are strange. And from their perspective, it is strange. Observing you being open likely feels strange and uncomfortable to them.

    But if you stay with it and people get to see that it is natural and grounded, they begin to see its value. And then one day at work, she takes a risk and comes out to play. She experiences the openness and freedom. And nothing terrible happens. Pretty soon you have a friend to be open with. And then another. After all, openness is infectious.

    But someone has to take the initial risk of being open. Someone has to be open even when it is not the norm or status quo. And if not you, who? People may shake their head or even look at you with fear. Just smile at them openly and invitingly.

     

  • Partnerships and Whole/Parts

    Personal relationships (that do not include family of origin or career relationships) are a choice. The only clear reason to be in one is because you want to be there. Healthy relationships or partnerships start with people that feel complete within themselves and then come together to share who and what they are and what it feels like.

    Partnerships acknowledge that each person has a separate journey. Each has a life purpose and things that they came here to do. They then choose a partner and come together to support and share their journeys with each other. And by coming together to share, they create a shared journey together.

    So a partnership has both separate and together elements. It is both I and we. While this dichotomy may be tough for the intellect and logic to grasp, it is the foundation of a healthy relationship.

    Ken Wilber offers another way to view this in the quote below from his 1996 book A Brief History of Everything. "Arthur Koestler coined the term "holon" to refer to an entity that is itself a whole and simultaneously part of some other whole. ... Because every holon is a whole/part, it has two tendencies or two drives we might say- it has to maintain its both its wholeness and its partness."

    Wilber describes each holon or whole/part (for our purposes- person in a partnership), as a whole in themselves and at the same time part of a another whole (the partnership). He adds that each holon (person) has to maintain his/her wholeness or self-agency as well as its "partness" or communion with the thing that he/she is part of.

    Most relationships tend to emphasize one of the other of these tasks and neglect the other. Some people for instance tend to lose themselves in the relationship and lose the autonomy of their own journey. Other folks are overly independent and fail to surrender to being a part of the relationship.

    In summary, people in a partnership do not come together out of need to complete themselves. Rather they are whole in themselves and come together to support and understand each others' journey and... to create a new journey together.

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