Grieving What You Did Not Allow Yourself
In addition to the loss of loved ones, we also grieve internal things. We grieve the things that were important to us that we did not allow ourselves to have.
We usually do not feel the loss of not allowing ourselves what we wanted until we allow ourselves to have it. Until then there is no point of reference. It is like we do not believe what we wanted was really possible until we experience it.
And from that vantage point, we are able see that we could have allowed ourselves to have it many years earlier. We generally experience this as loss and sadness.
This makes for an interesting emotional state. On one hand, we are happy and joyous that we are experiencing the thing we always wanted. Yet, we also inevitably have to feel that what we wanted was right in front of us all this time and yet we did not allow ourselves to have it.
A common example is having a close, loving relationship. Once we allow ourselves to have it, we have to look at how we wasted time distracting ourselves from it or trying to connect with people that were not interested in being as close as we were. It is time we don’t get back.
But from a larger perspective, it is just really cool that you allowed yourself to have it now. So enjoy it. And let yourself feel the loss of what you did not allow yourself. It may be bittersweet for a while. But soon the grief will subside leaving you with the love you were looking for all along.
What aspect of your life that was really important to you have you not allowed yourself to have?
Posted on Wed, February 5, 2014
by Michael Hoffman filed under